Thursday, June 12, 2014

FIVE SIGNS THAT YOU MAY NOT BE READY FOR MARRIAGE YET


You are probably in your twenties or thirties. You are looking forward to a bright future and that future includes being a wife to Mr. Right. You can already see your house, your loving husband and even the children. You think you are ready for this noble institution. Well, let’s examine if you are really ready for marriage. We will look at five signs that are warnings that you are not yet ready for marriage.

1. The Kitchen is Off-Limits for you.
We are living in a time where house help is a must and most young ladies cannot cook some basic meals like ugali, chapatti, githeri or even decent rice. You are allergic to the kitchen. You believe the house help should do all the cooking. Chances are, you will struggle in your marriage. While your husband will be very understanding in the beginning, his patience will wear thin and you may end up with conflict due to your culinary inabilities. It is important to be handy in the kitchen not just for your husband but also you do not want to be held hostage by house help. Any wife will tell you that while these helpers are important, they are not always reliable. They are there to help, not take over your duties as a wife. Learn to cook girl. It is important.

2. You think marriage is an equal partnership
Many ladies make the fatal mistake of believing that marriage is an equal partnership where both parties bring 50% each to the table. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. Marriage was never intended to be an equal partnership and so to approach it from that perspective is to deny God’s plan for the marriage. Women bring in approximately 80% with men adding the 20%. If you are not ready to pull in 80% into the marriage, I suggest you give it a rest. You will be frustrated for no reason. The reason women have so much responsibility in the marriage is because God has equipped them. Women don’t need to get defensive and grumble about how much they have to do. God has put in women qualities to allow them to do some amazing things. They can love and nurture their families, seal a business deal and change diapers, make sure her husband looks presentable and feels like a king at home and even organize her home and make sure extended family relations are maintained. This involves a lot of sacrifice and love on her part. Even if the man wanted, he is not equipped to do what a woman can do. So again, if you think marriage is an equal partnership, think twice.

3. Forgiveness to you is earned and conditional
Any happily married woman will tell you that forgiveness in marriage is not an option. It is a prerequisite to a happy relationship. There are very many things that will happen in a marriage that will hurt you and make you believe that the marriage is not working and you will be ready to walk out. Your prince charming will begin to look like a frog and then a slug. The problem is at the point he looks like a slug, you will not appreciate anything about him. At this point when your husband has perfected the art of offending you, you must reach deep within yourself and find forgiveness. Not because he deserves it but rather that is what it is going to take to keep your marriage afloat. This is what God expects of you as He has already equipped you. This is not a human effort and cannot be achieved alone. You must spend time on your knees repenting and seeking God for your spouse and yourself. This must be done in love. Any other foundation will fail. If you are not ready to forgive as Christ forgives, forget marriage. It just won’t work.

4. Your opinion must be heard and considered
Today, many marriages are failing as women compete with the men to wear the pants. While it is true that women have come a long way in being heard in the community, wisdom must be applied in the context of marriage. Women wield a lot of power and don’t need to shout on the rooftops to be heard. If you believe that you must be heard and things go your way no matter what, then you are not ready for marriage. Many married women have done great exploits for their families using God given wisdom and their husbands do appreciate their efforts. This is not done forcefully but by building trust with your husband so that you are not engaging in a power struggle but rather you are working as a team to build a happy home. If you are not ready to work in the background and not receive the accolades then I suggest you let marriage rest for now.

5. Your money is your money and his money is your money
This is probably one of the main sour spots in many marriages today. While prudence must be applied, to go into a marriage with the attitude that your money is yours is already a recipe for a failed marriage. Trust is not something that can be purchased and marriage is a coming together of two people to become one. This is one area that many couples struggle. Having secret investments and secret bank accounts opens the door to an attitude of independence and you can do it alone. If you can do it alone, then why do you need a husband? If you are not ready to be financially transparent and work to pull your weight in the marriage then do not get married. You don’t get into marriage for financial security.

With those five crucial tips, evaluate yourself before you dive into Marriage. .
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